DEAR NIGERIANS, BEING IN BED BY 10PM ISN'T THE PROBLEM, YOUR MENTALITY IS.

I got into a mild argument with my Mother last night. And as is often applicable within emotionally arduous circumstances, I hated the process but I loved the outcome. Interestingly, our squabble didn’t stem from a typical or momentous causative factor such as relationship drama, shamelessly dozing off at morning devotion or recklessly letting the dishes pile up in the kitchen- in which case, I would usually be the culprit in all of these scenarios. (Or the victim, depending on the lens you choose to use. )

Instead, good ol’ WhatsApp- specifically, a WhatsApp broadcast- triggered the rise of stormy seas in my household last night. 

Here’s what happened.

I had been minding my business when my phone chimed in response to a new message notification. I picked it up, half-expecting to see one of those “hahahahaha” or “thank you for sharing” jerkers. 

Please believe me when I say that nothing in the world could have prepared me to absorb what I now consider to be the father of all trashy messages.

It appears that a seemingly clever individual had thought it wise to craft a five-pronged theory explaining why he/she hitherto hadn’t been embroiled in any SARS-linked controversies. It had somehow settled into their subconscious mind to disseminate such treacherous thoughts smack in the middle of sensitive protest efforts. My mind is alarmingly imaginative so it isn’t difficult to visualize  the author typing and typing away- phone in hand, smirk on face- what he/she presumed to be a worthy defense for the alleviation of backlash against police brutality. Something along the lines of: they are not the bad guys- you are! It’s your fault you keep getting harassed because you keep doing this, this and that! 

Receiving and reading that message revealed to me that the sender clearly has me, my opinions and belief systems wrongly figured out. Nonetheless, as I would expect any other objective opinion-seeking individual to do- I turned to the opinion of my Mother, an immensely neutral and honest queen, to ensure that I hadn’t overreacted nor missed the sarcasm trail littered all over the message. To my utmost bewilderment, she seemed to find some reason and understanding in the values the author had been trying to convey. She hadn’t expressly supported his/her views but could see the angle from which the author had approached the subject. So we, very lovingly, argued back and forth- trying hard to explain why the other was wrong in their thinking. It is some of the excerpts of my argument that I have brought to you today.

Remember how I referred to the message that sparked my anger as trash? Well, trash deserves to be in the bin, where it’ll never be spoken or heard of again. Save for the cases of recyclable items, right? 

True. So in this instance and within the next few lines or so, I am going to attempt to recycle and reshape said trash into truth by offering my perspectives as responses to the five point issues raised by this yet unknown author. Ironically and as you would see, he/she has merely succeeded in filtering a lot of the issues besetting Nigeria today.

1. SARS HAS NEVER MOLESTED ME BECAUSE BEFORE IT’S 10PM I AM ALREADY ON MY BED.”There’s a certain perception attached to late night movement on this side of the atlantic. It appears to be the general consensus typically prevalent among the much older generation that only good for nothing rogues, be they male or female, come out at night to play. If this is entirely true, how do you make the case for  honest working citizens who are unable to “ be on my bed by 10pm” because in the same minute  the hand of the clock strikes 10 o’clock, the car indicator makes a sound of its own signaling a change of direction/lane as it struggles to navigate through long stretches of traffic? Are doctors, nurses, restaurant owners and other shift workers who by the very nature of their jobs are required to move around at odd hours also criminally minded? Need I mention the names of victims of overzealous SARS officers shot in the daylight with the sun still making its rounds in the sky? Dead this argument please. SARS operatives, before the recent disbandment of the unit, were not limited to the concept of time in carrying out their dastardly acts. 

2. NO SARS HAS MOLESTED ME BECAUSE I SELECT THE FRIENDS I KEEP. I AM NOT GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION.” I found this particular point to not only be insensitive but having stemmed from what must be a shallow mind. Saying things like this blatantly disrespects the narratives of individuals who have been harassed by SARS operatives, without any minute or substantive proof of criminality, whilst in the company of intelligent and like minded individuals going about their business. More so, SARS operatives must be soaked in supernatural powers to be able to detect a criminal just by the mere sight of them. Furthermore, it must be the case that friends of “criminals” must be criminally minded themselves, isn’t it? It’s fair enough that reasonable suspicion is the yardstick required to stop and search for example. However, even when such subjective inquisitions are undertaken, they are done with unparalleled levels of hostility and brutality. Seeming offenders aren’t given an opportunity to be adjudged innocent or guilty by a competent court. SARS operatives determine who is and who isn’t guilty based on the extent of your cooperation and size of your pocket. Woe and “I go kill you here now now and nothing go happen” unto anyone found wanting in these two aspects.

3. NO SARS HAS MOLESTED ME BECAUSE AFTER DRESSING UP I LOOK IN THE MIRROR...TO ASCERTAIN WHETHER I LOOK NOTORIOUS.” 

I have seven nephews whom I love very dearly, the oldest being 14; and between them are hairstyles ranging from dreadlocs to the Mohawk trim. I have friends and members of family who work in organizations that lightly regulate dress code requirements. I have friends who consider fashion as an avenue for “out of the box” expressions. All of these people are successful in their individual rights and industries, minding their business and doing what needs to be done very HONESTLY at any given time. I’m sure you’ve heard about the very recent acquisition of Paystack by Stripe. I’m sure you’re also aware that one half of the cofounders (Ezra Olubi) of the target company very gracefully adorns his locs. Need I say more?

I recently read the harrowing account of a Paystack employee at the hands of ‘officers of the law’ titled “A Sad Story” which you can read here yourself. https://medium.com/@adeyimika/a-sad-story-a69d82d73e77

 It left me disgruntled but also recharged enough to want to see the #ENDSARS #ENDSWAT movement till the end. I really hope we can come to a place where your capacity and input to the nation isn’t limited by or to your outward expression neither is your right to express yourself in whatever lawful way you decide inhibited by the ignorant perception of another.

 Dear author, please wake up to the reality that circumstances have changed- as they are bound to- even as more work places embrace flexible working schedules and schemes for their employees. 

So, the notorious looking individual you speak of may have just sold his fully legit and flourishing company for $200m+. But what do we know, right?

4. NO SARS HAS MOLESTED ME BECAUSE I KEEP RECEIPTS... AND IF I HAVE TO DRIVE AN AUTOMOBILE, I MAKE SURE THE VEHICLE DOCUMENTS ARE INTACT AND UP TO DATE.” I’m not even going to spend too much time on this point. All I’ll say is, how many times  have you been stopped by enforcement officers, been asked to produce this and that, handed over all documents plus more- yet been asked to “park there,” delayed inordinately until you are required  to “drop something for weekend?”  The problem isn’t in the availability of legitimate documents, it’s that many citizens, young and old, are perceived as an opportunity to make bank every single day by those charged with the duty to protect us and safeguard law and order. Simple as.

5. “NO SARS HAS MOLESTED ME BECAUSE I SOAK MY CASSAFLEX WITH DIGNITY INSTEAD OF GOING AFTER ANOTHER PERSON’S BELONGINGS.”

First of, is casa flex honestly what I think it is? Anyway, read that claim over and over again and you will start, with every reread, to see the years and years of backward thinking embedded within. Again, this points to the general belief that agile, able-bodied young men and women within a certain age bracket are expected to appear a certain way- and once one falls outside that little box, there’s a problem somewhere: He must have become an online fraudster. She must be a sugar baby with boyfriends the age of her father. Far be it from a large proportion of young men and women to conceptualize and implement creative ideas or diversify streams of income through lawful means. These days, having foresight or the slightest measure of ambition is translated as wanting to move too much in the fast lane or even going after another person’s belongings.  Young men and women are expected to keep soaking our cassaflex (again, whatever that is) with pain and a longing for more in life, shrouded in the upstanding value of dignity. 

Many, many young talents have achieved outstanding feats even with the little given to us. I cannot think of a single friend of mine who doesn’t run a legitimate business on the side. Our conversations are punctuated with whinges about the plights of trying to successfully run a business in Nigeria. Dear Author, whether you soak your casa flex or drive a Range at 25, nobody, I repeat, nobody is safe from the atrocities of law enforcement agencies. Know this and know peace.

It was the great Bob Marley (RIP) who admonished  to “emancipate yourself from mental slavery.” Those words stand truer today than ever before. There is clearly a fault in the thinking process and understanding of the essence of this fight by a select category of the population. Many within are resigned to believing it is 

a targeted fight against the government of the day- rather than against the current dirty and corrupt systems. This is a fight that transcends selfish, politically-fueled debates. I hope that our voices continue to do the work of reshaping and educating.

My Mama always taught me to stay mute if I have nothing kind or supportive to say. Well, I raised that exact argument to her last night. The author of that message may have had well meaning intentions. Unfortunately, his/her thoughts (I say this with every sense of respect) came across as grossly insensitive and largely ignorant. More of focusing on the problem itself and less of trying to excuse or make a case for it, please.

 I think I achieved  a shift in mindset with my Mother last night. More importantly, I think we are on the cusp of a revolution of minds. It hasn’t been the easiest trajectory but I can tell that we’re determined to leave lasting impressions for a life time. May it be so. May the generations to come meet this country in a much better and equipped state than we did- free from all the filth that we are working hard to scour away.

 I’ll love and leave you with my final words: SORO SOKE, MY PEOPLE. Keep going.