Navigating the Emotional Rollercoaster of a Career Switch

So, here we are, dearest reader- four (or so) months into the craziest decision of my life: leaving a thriving, well-defined career path in Law to start anew in the uncharted territory of Investment Banking, brimming with the monsters of dizzying Excel spreadsheets and the dragons of PowerPoint designs. Back to Ground Zero as a neophyte. A newbie. A novice. A JJC if there ever was one. 

Now, depending on your outlook and/or motivations, you’ve either concluded that I am batshit crazy or something akin to brave—maybe even a bit of both. And I’ll accept that without offense. After all, geniuses are often seen as having a touch of madness. But I digress.

Here’s the thing. I didn't approach this new path without meticulously planning and carefully weighing my options. To temper my expectations, I embraced this journey as something of an experiment, knowing that if things didn't work out, my career prospects would remain intact. God-willing, I’d be okay no matter what. After all, nobody kuku send me message in the first place. I harbored no illusions about the process being smooth sailing or entirely painless and was prepared for come what may, in whatever shape or form.

Sounds all good so far, right? Simple, fail-safe strategy.

What could possibly paralyze or shake me to my core?  

…Turns out a lot. 

I would soon discover that no amount of mental, emotional, or academic preparation could have readied me for the imposter syndrome or the tears that were to follow. The awakening in the middle of the night, convinced I had made a mistake. Reckoning, for the first time ever, the full impact of starting from scratch and realizing that to succeed, I would need to strip away the blanket of past achievements and become almost childlike in my learning (minus the petulance and tantrums, of course). The reality of the foregoing in particular hitting me like a hot, dirty, excruciating slap across the cheek. Needing to suspend my overachiever’s coat and work through not getting things right the first time or quickly enough. The sudden disillusionment, consternation, and concerns about career trajectory and progress. The transitioning from instructing to being instructed, as my peers in the legal industry advance into more senior roles. The shame and guilt of knowing all too well that incredible people invested their social capital and took risks to support my new path, only for me to consider stepping away from it. The constant disremembering of the supposed passion that led me to this path in the first place and finding myself desperately longing for the comfort, safety and familiarity of my legal training and experience. The falling helplessly ill in the middle of the chaos. The endless praying and spending of countless hours on the phone, tearfully leaning on my support system- with each lovingly and assuringly reminding me of my competence, whilst understanding that this is a path I must walk alone—at least to some extent.

I should add that I am a firm advocate of knowing when to quit- and doing so gracefully and early enough where necessary- an opinion that’s certainly unpopular. I disagree in the strongest terms that quitting early equates to weakness or a failure to try hard enough. To clarify, it's crucial to commit fully to every opportunity, persisting for as long as you can. (You should read about the resilience of the Baobab tree for more on this). However, I genuinely believe that, if after careful, informed (and not-a-knee-jerk-emotional) consideration, you determine it's in your best interest to do so, then you should wholeheartedly pursue change. 

With this mindset as a constant backdrop, my being here still; showing up everyday, whilst fighting through the pangs of imposter syndrome and anxiety, is nothing short of miraculous. More importantly, it signals that this path might be worthy of continued pursuit with something to hold on to, to look forward to. Something to reach for. Not to mention my being blessed, and I don't say this lightly, with the kindest of managers and colleagues in whose support I continue to revel. I often joke that my workplace is like a gathering of angels.

If like me, you're considering or have recently made a significant career change, let me be the first (I hope) to tell you: it can be incredibly hard. AF. It’s often more challenging than it appears looking from the outside-in. In fact, it might be one of the toughest things you'll ever do. There will be days that you feel completely out of your depth and duped by reality and others when doubt and fear will inevitably take over. You are only human.

However, and crucially, you will also have good, even great days. You will come to find that your journey is one of growth, resilience, and self-discovery. You will push yourself in ways you never have, driven by your unwavering will to succeed and learn. You will also discover, perhaps more than ever before, that having a supportive network and staying true to your goals both make a significant difference. You will *probably* cry on some days, and yet, with those same hands that have tasted the saltiness of your tears, turn in your next deliverable. You may continue to get it wrong until you get it right. You will learn to be more patient with yourself and that will, in turn, teach you more about empathy for others. You will remember that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and uncertain and that those feelings are part of the process. You will embrace them, learn from them, and keep moving forward.

As will I.

Just between you and I, I honestly don’t know what the future holds, but I’m crazy enough to want to stick it out, persist and see where this path leads me. So, yes! If you thought I was a bit crazy after reading the first paragraph, you were not wrong!  ;)

And from one crazy disruptor to another: good luck! 

PS: Dont’t worry, we are not crazy IJN. Haha! 

And even if we are, we’re redefining the word, you get me?