THANKFUL, STILL
It is 01:48am as I type these very words. I have to be up early for Church in a few hours, which suggests that it would be a great idea to get my hands off this keyboard and channel my energy into fighting my current state of sleeplessness.
But I am stubborn. Relentless is another word that comes to mind. I'll most likely regret this decision later on as I struggle to recollect momentum, jumping out of bed, shamefully attempting to outdo my alarm, with the haste of one who's just shared the same bed with a stranger she never hopes to see again, whilst the reality of my situation sets in, at nearly the same time as the morning sun gives its first crack. I will inevitably dislike myself for a few minutes or so for being SO strong headed.
Yet this stubbornnes- or relentlessness- that would be the cause of this, is one of the things I am most thankful for.
I feel the urge to describe it as a blessing and curse in some form. You'll understand why in a minute.
We say goodbye to 2017 in a matter of hours and whilst we take stock of our experiences in whatever form they might have come this year- blessing and lesson, it's really easy to become distracted by the hopes, goals and ideas that did not see the light of day, let alone, make it to the front burner. Yet we believe. We stay afloat and eventually find a way to swim ferociously to shore. We stubbornly hold on to what we believe in. I relentlessly hold on to what I believe in.
I hate that I did not tick every box on my list of things I had hoped to have advanced upon by the end of this year. I am disgruntled by the fact that I have to keep chasing after them despite all the effort I put into it, sometimes with minimal results. But my relentlessness won't let me quit. In that, it becomes a blessing and a curse. I might be hesitant to- yet, move, stretch, grow, advance, I must.
Because with every single setback, I discover one other way to NOT go about things and avoid that route subsequently.
After the pain comes the realization of the blessing inherent- so you see, my relentlessness wins again. And so we go, until we finally arrive at our destination.
I really hope that this made some sense to you and that you actively gained something from it. If not, please remember it's the very early hours of the morning and I really should be in bed in the first place, so it would be a tad unfair to hold me to any of it. Right? Yes, definitely right. 😁
Happy New Year! ✨✨✨ I wish you the very best of every single thing 2018 has to offer! Go out there and get it!
Thank you so much for reading!
With all my love,
~A.J.
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